April 27, 2008
I am involved in a purging in my life—a purging of “things.” This is, of course, a physical task but it is also a spiritual and energetic task. Do I wake up early and with enthusiasm, and say, “Let’s just clean out the things I no longer have need of in my life?” No. It is a task that was set by Spirit because there is such a density of energy around me, I feel like I am weighting an extra 30 pounds. I am carrying the “weight” of so many things that no longer fit my life. I have waited, postponed, and procrastinated that long!

I don’t want to leave you with the notion I live in a messy house. I do not. But I have “squirreled away" in every nook and cranny things—lots of things. Given the fact that my house is less than 1,000 square feet, it is rather amazing what I have managed to cling to. So it is a big job, this purging. It has become a very deep cleansing because there have been deep and dramatic changes in my life in the last two years.

It requires the touching of all things that are mine--papers, objects, clothing…everything. Then it requires a letting go. The letting go is the challenging part for me. I am reminded of that adage that all fear comes down to two elements - the fear that we will lose what we have or the fear that we will not get what we want. This adage has an efficacy I have witnessed in my life. While these ideas are far broader then the connection to the releasing of objects; they do seem to remain true for objects as well.

If objects were just objects this adage would be less true. However, objects carry energy. They are composed of energy but they also carry energy. They carry energy as our memories of what they represent to us. We also have touched them or held them when our energy was in a certain form. There are some things that have energy that I wish to retain. My collection of teapots and tea cups retain the energy of the times I used them. Energy from way they came into my life. They represent home, coziness, beauty, love and constancy.

I have been very aware of the energy of my things in the past few weeks as I was throwing out (or rather preparing to shred) tax documents going back to 1990. Yes, 1990! When the last of these documents was out of the house, I felt lighter, better, almost newer. I also had to go through my stash of yarn and unfinished knitting projects. A kind friend helping me by quietly counting them. She later told me she had stopped counting at 25! These are creative projects I felt passionate about at the beginning and then lost interest in, couldn’t figure out, or just knew I wanted to do in the future. Did I toss those? No. I did decide to re-visit each of them and decide if there was still a connection for me. Those I do not feel like finishing I will pass on. It was very revealing that I had no unfinished projects for things for others. I had finished those. All of the unfinished projects were objects for me. And that is why I will touch and examine carefully each project and only give away what I know is not for me in life now. I will happily pass them on to others if they are truly not “me” now.

People come to my home and say it feels different. They do not know what I have been doing, but I know what has happened. I have created space. I have created space to be me. My space is welcoming to me and to others. Here I am at the end of this almost two years of culling through things and I am feeling more whole, more alive, and freer.